How We Communicate

Sep 19

Communication is Key

I’ve always heard the phrase, “Communication is key.” So, I’ve spent a big part of my life trying to communicate clearly and concisely. But what if how we communicate is just one side of the coin, and the other side is how others receive our communication?

Everyone has their own way of communicating. Some leaders like bullet points and some just want the bottom line. While others want to be taken on a walk through the garden—to hear the story from the conception of a design. Still others want data to support your point, especially in a pitch meeting or presentation. Everyone has a method that works for them.

But what if we took it a step further and started asking ourselves: How do the people I work with or lead need to receive communication?

Nowadays, we have so many different assessments and tools that help us understand how we’re wired. These tools are designed to show how we give and receive communication. They’re powerful resources if we use them to help us lead well.

One important insight these tools offer is not just how we communicate, but how we might come across. How many times have you heard someone say, “I didn’t mean to come across that way”?While it wasn’t their intention, the reality is—sometimes our actions or tone prove otherwise. Let's discuss three things we can learn from these assessments and tools.

1. We Learn How We Communicate

I’m a storyteller. I like to walk people through the garden of details and drama to show them how I got there. I enjoy taking people on a journey—through emotion, twists, and turns—leading to the “Ah-ha!” moment of discovery.

Growing up, I was always told I was a great storyteller. I remember in school, during lunch, my friends would gather around to hear some grand story—usually about how I got out of doing my homework during the last period. (Not something I recommend, by the way!)

I’m also a verbal processor and natural critical thinker—so a lot of times when I’m speaking, I’m fleshing out ideas in real time. That’s a huge thing to know—and for your team to know. I can’t count how many times I’ve walked away from a meeting where my team thought what I was processing was actually a directive.

Because of this, my team and I are now intentional. We always clarify: What’s just being processed, and what’s the direction we’re taking? That clarity prevents confusion.

Knowing your communication style is huge—for both you and your team. It allows you to be yourself, recognize your gaps, and be open with those you lead.

For example, because I’m a verbal processor and can take a long time explaining things, I hired an assistant who’s more bullet-point oriented. She does a great job keeping me on time, highlighting where clarity is needed before meetings, and executing directives for the team.

2. Knowing Our Gaps

This one is huge. I hear people say all the time, “That’s just how I’m wired!” or “Sorry if I came off too strong—I’m just direct.” While that may be true, it’s still important to recognize how we naturally come across to others.

Within the personality typing system of the Enneagram, I’m a 3—the “Performer.” People like me often need feedback and encouragement from their leaders to know we’re on the right track. I remember working at an organization where my manager, a “Challenger” (an Enneagram 8, very direct and to the point), gave me some feedback on a project. He ended by saying, “Sorry if I come off strong—that’s just how I’m wired.”

At that moment, I felt the need to lead up and share some insight. Now, I’m not suggesting you say what I said—but I used it as a teachable moment. I told him, “I know you’re an 8 and tend to be strong, but that doesn’t give you an excuse to be a jerk.” He was a bit taken aback.

I went on: “We throw around the phrase ‘That’s how I’m wired,’ but it’s just as important to know how your team is wired and how they receive communication.” That created a lightbulb moment for both of us.

We had been so focused on ourselves and our wiring that we forgot to ask: How does this land with the people we lead?

That moment sparked a change for me. When I lead teams now, I like to know their strengths, personality types, and communication styles—not to label them, but to better understand how to effectively lead them day in and day out.

3. Communicate to Your Team’s Strengths

Back to the example with my manager: after that meeting, I started reflecting on past conversations. There were times when I’d be presenting something, and halfway through, he’d get this glazed look on his face like he was thinking, “Just get to the point!”

Why? I eventually learned that “Challengers” prefer direct, concise communication.

So, from that day forward, when I met with him, I led with bullet points and focused summaries—what he needed. It made our time together more effective.

But something else happened too: my manager started meeting me where I was.

When he needed more context or wanted to hear the full backstory, he’d say, “Walk me through the garden.”That was his way of saying, “I know you’ve been communicating to me on my level—now show me how you got there.”

That became a beautiful example of how teammates can serve each other by recognizing and responding to different communication styles. This creates a synergy on the team when we are both self-aware and aware of our team’s communication frequencies.

Communication and Curiosity

So, when we think of communication, we naturally think: “How do I communicate?” Maybe we need to start thinking: “How do they communicate?” When meeting with teams and individuals, a little curiosity can go a long way.

By taking the focus off yourself and onto others, it’s amazing how effective your communication can become. After all, communication is about being heard and understood—so why not learn how others receive information and meet them on their wavelength.

Tim Cruz

Guest Writer

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